Every one of us went through that time where we experienced this
certain urge of wanting something so badly but at the end of the day we never obtain
it. It could be that shiny bike when we were ten, or that Prada shoe waiting
for its rightful owner. It could be an emotion just staring right at your face,
a woman or man you’re madly in love with, heck it could even be that dream job
of being that macho guy swabbing for blood samples in CSI (what was his name
again?). Somehow, someway that one thing we wanted just never came quite close,
instead it just faded away.
What would you do? Would you sit down and pine for that
bike, that Prada shoe, or scrape every ounce of your energy to be in that
emotion, keep trying your best to steal him/her away or try your way out to get
a green card and make it to Las Vegas (hopefully not as a stripper). Of course
there’s always the option of just waiting for a better bike to burst out to the
market when you’re much older to ride cooler bikes (a situation I can very much
relate to myself). That Prada shoe is overrated anyway, so you can always
settle for a similarly fashionable Vincci at a much cheaper price (I think you
can get at least ten sets of Vincci for the price of one Prada). Ah emotions,
another overrated commodity! Stay happy, drink a few shots of whiskey, party
around, life is too short for you to miss the finer points of life, not to
mention the fun part of it. Love? Fine, you didn’t get that one person you
would give your life for, but what about that one person looking at you, hoping
to be loved by you, don’t he/she deserve a piece of you? And I heard that
forensics job at the local law enforcement agency’s not that bad anyway!
It’s just the case of choosing to be content or be
miserable. We can be miserable, and let it eat us up until our dying days. But I’m
not saying being content is a heavenly choice either, because even if we’re
content, there’s always that part of us that will always be miserable, even for
a few minutes every year, or maybe an hour or two every month. Yes we can
always say we’re over it, but we will never be rid of it, no matter how hard we
try. We cannot forget it nor leave it behind. It will haunt us for the rest of
our lives.
Bad news? Not really. Not if we surrender completely and
stop denying. In other words accept it. There’s no harm thinking about those
moments of sheer defeat and ponder other possibilities. But always control it.
It’s like having that caged beast in our heart, an analogy used to describe
serial killers. Shrinks say that each one of us has that caged horrifying
emotion locked inside our heart. What separates us from the serial killers is
that we keep the beast caged and controlled. That wanting can be caged too;
because we certainly can’t throw it away. We just have to learn to keep it that
way and control it, never letting out to be the “serial killer”.
The past will always be there to teach us a lesson, and to
hurt us a bit every now and then, but at the same time look at that new
improved bike, that Vincci shoes lined up in your shoe rack, that bottle of
Uncle Jack, your wonderful spouse who hugs you in sleep and that not-so-bad job
at the local forensics, and realize just how lucky you have been.
Ryan Adams - Desire
Demolition (2002)
Two hearts fading, like a flower.
And all this waiting, for the power.
For some answer, to this fire.
Sinking slowly. The water’s higher.
Desire
With no secrets. No obsession.
This time I’m speeding with no direction.
Without a reason. What is this fire?
Burning slowly. My one and only.
Desire
You know me. You don’t mind waiting.
You just can’t show me, but God I’m praying,
That you’ll find me, and that you’ll see me,
That you run and never tire.
Desire
